Herpes Treatment Advice

Your Sex Life and Herpes

Your Sex Life

You can have a fulfilling sex life if you have genital herpes, even though it may be more complicated than it was before your diagnosis. Now, you must be careful about what you do and when you do it.

Avoid these sexual activities when you have sores on your genitals, or when you feel a herpes outbreak coming on:

• Vaginal sex
• Anal sex
• Receiving oral sex (fellatio, cunnilingus, and analingus)

Between outbreaks, it’s OK to have sex, as long as your partner understands and accepts the risk. He or she can be infected even when you don’t have symptoms or sores. To help prevent infecting your partner, always use a latex condom for vaginal sex, anal sex, and receiving fellatio. Condoms are not guaranteed to prevent infection, but research has shown that they provide some protection. Use a dental dam for cunnilingus and analingus.

As long as you don’t have herpes sores on your mouth, you can perform oral sex on your partner at any time, including when you have an outbreak of genital symptoms. Otherwise, use your imagination. There are many ways people can express themselves sexually without having genital-to-genital or mouth-to-genital contact. Exploring them can enrich your sex life and make up for having to avoid other activities because of genital herpes. Consult a health care professional if you have any doubts about what’s safe and what is not.

For example, you could try mutual masturbation, which poses almost no risk: You could masturbate together — side by side, facing each other, or back to back — or masturbate each other manually. Just make sure you don’t have any broken skin on your hands, and wash your hands with soap and warm water afterward. Also, never touch a herpes sore and then touch your partner, and make sure no bodily fluids could be exchanged by accident. If you and your partner like vibrators or dildos, you could try using them on each other. Make sure you wash the toy before and after, and don’t share it.

A Drug for Genital Herpes May Be Right for You

You might also consider taking antiviral drug therapy for your herpes to reduce the amount of virus you shed. A recent study shows that daily suppressive therapy (taking a drug daily to sharply reduce the frequency of outbreaks) may help keep your partner from being infected. (You should still use a condom, however, because suppressive therapy was just 50% effective in preventing transmission.)

Daily therapy isn’t the only option, or necessarily the best one for you. If your outbreaks are few and far between, you might set your mind at ease by keeping a supply of antiviral pills that you could take in case of a flare-up. Ask your doctor if you could benefit from taking medication for genital herpes.

Another consideration may be that the friction of sex could irritate your skin and trigger outbreaks. If that’s a problem for you, try using a water-based sexual lubricant. K-Y jelly and AstroGlide are two brands available at many drugstores. There are more brands available from stores that sell sex toys.

Don’t use an oil-based lubricant, however, because the oil can break down latex. Also, do not use a lubricant containing the spermicide nonoxynol-9. Nonoxynol-9 may cause tiny rips in mucous membranes (such as those on the genitals) that can let viruses like herpes and HIV enter the body more easily.

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Potential Herpes Triggers

Triggers to Consider

Keep these other triggers in mind. Some may cause your genital herpes to flare up, others not.

• Factors during sex. Some people find that the friction of sexual intercourse irritates the skin and brings on symptoms. Using a water-based lubricant can help reduce irritation. Don’t use one that contains the spermacide nonoxynol-9, however. Nonoxynol-9 can irritate mucous membranes, such as the lining of the vagina. Oil-based lubricants are a no-no, too. They weaken latex, making condoms more likely to break. Even if the friction of intercourse seems to be a trigger for your symptoms, it probably won’t cause a flare-up every time you have sex.
• Colds and sunlight. The common cold and sunlight seem to trigger outbreaks of oral herpes (cold sores), but no proof exists that they trigger genital herpes outbreaks.
• Hormones. Hormonal changes, like those that occur in the menstrual cycle, can affect genital herpes outbreaks. No one knows why yet.
• Surgery, weak immune system. Trauma to the body, such as having surgery, may make herpes symptoms appear. It’s possible that having a weakened immune system does, too. People whose immune systems are weakened by HIV, for example, tend to have outbreaks more often than people with normal immune functioning do.

Remember that triggers may not be the same for everyone, and doctors are not certain how much lifestyle has to with outbreaks of herpes symptoms. If you think one triggers your symptoms, ask your doctor what you should do about it.

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5 Ways to Ease Stress and Stay Healthy

Managing stress in healthy ways may help reduce how often you have a genital herpes outbreak. Ongoing stress lasting more than a week seems to trigger genital herpes outbreaks more than any other lifestyle factor.

Here are five steps you can take to manage stress better:

1. Get enough sleep. The more rested you are, the better you will be able to handle stress in your life. Most people need about eight hours of sleep every night to function normally. Some need less than that, others need more. Note how long you sleep when you don’t set an alarm clock. If, for example, you go to sleep at 11 p.m. and wake up naturally and feeling well rested at 8 a.m., you probably need at least nine hours every night.
2. Balance your diet. Make sure your diet includes all the nutrients your body needs to keep you going strong. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and limit the amount of sugary and fatty foods and soft drinks you consume. Also cut back on caffeine and alcohol if you tend to overindulge in those.
3. Exercise. Physical activity is a great stress reliever. Do something that you enjoy, so that it doesn’t seem like a chore. For motivation, include a friend. That could mean playing a sport such as tennis, or having a partner to exercise with at the gym or walk or jog with.
4. Reach out. When you’re stressed, sometimes the last thing you want to do is socialize. But being with people and having fun can help you forget your troubles for a while. It’s not healthy to dwell on them every minute. It’s also good to talk about your problems with someone who cares about you and whom you can trust — a friend, a family member, a spouse, or even a therapist.
5. Relax. In addition to all the above, a few minutes of down time does a lot of good. You’ve probably heard about relaxation techniques, such as yoga or electronic biofeedback, but you don’t have to do those things if listening to music, knitting, or just staring out the window is your idea of a relaxing break.

Although persistent stress may lead to outbreaks, the little stressful events and annoyances you face in your daily life do not appear to be stressful enough to trigger genital herpes symptoms.

Other Triggers to Consider

Keep these other triggers in mind. Some may cause your genital herpes to flare-up, others not.

• Factors during sex. Some people find that the friction of sexual intercourse irritates the skin and brings on symptoms. Using a water-based lubricant can help reduce irritation. Don’t use one that contains the spermacide nonoxynol-9, however. Nonoxynol-9 can irritate mucous membranes, such as the lining of the vagina. Oil-based lubricants are a no-no, too. They weaken latex, making condoms more likely to break. Even if the friction of intercourse seems to be a trigger for your symptoms, it probably won’t cause a flare-up every time you have sex.
• Colds and sunlight. The common cold and sunlight seem to trigger outbreaks of oral herpes (cold sores), but no proof exists that they trigger genital herpes outbreaks.
• Hormones. Hormonal changes, like those that occur in the menstrual cycle, can affect genital herpes outbreaks. No one knows why yet.
• Surgery, weak immune system. Trauma to the body, such as having surgery, may make herpes symptoms appear. It’s possible that having a weakened immune system does, too. People whose immune systems are weakened by HIV, for example, tend to have outbreaks more often than people with normal immune functioning do.

Remember that triggers may not be the same for everyone, and doctors are not certain how much lifestyle has to with outbreaks of herpes symptoms. If you think one triggers your symptoms, ask your doctor what you should do about it.

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Coping with Genital Herpes

Coping With Diagnosis

You have been told you’re infected with a virus for which there is no cure, and one that affects a very sensitive area. That’s crummy news but don’t get too down about it.

Above all, realize that genital herpes is very common. Chances are one of your friends, family members, or co-workers has it, too. If you have read about genital herpes, you know the statistic: About one in five people in the U.S. is infected. But you may not realize that some diseases we consider quite common are less so than genital herpes, asthma and diabetes, for instance.

If you’ve done your herpes homework, you also know it won’t kill you, and it probably will not cause serious health problems later. Still, no one should underestimate the havoc the diagnosis can play with your emotions. You may feel “dirty” or sexually undesirable. You may get depressed thinking about a lifetime of symptoms and taking drugs to control them. You may be angry with the person who infected you. These are valid feelings, but you must learn to overcome them and get back to normal, or else you risk becoming your herpes. You are not herpes: You have herpes.

Challenge Your Feelings About Genital Herpes

The way to get over these feelings is to challenge the assumptions on which they are based. Does genital herpes make you less attractive? No, not really. Sores may appear on your genitals from time to time but the rest of you is not affected. People are attracted to many things about you besides your sex appeal. You’re just as cute and funny as you always were; your eyes are still as alluring, or whatever is special about you.

When you have symptoms, you shouldn’t have sex, and probably won’t want to. But then you don’t feel sexy when you have a cold, either. After a few days, you get over your cold and feel better. Think back to a time when you were sick with a cold. Your partner may have leaned in to kiss you, and you said something like, “No, I don’t want to give you this bug I have.” But did he or she kiss you anyway? If someone wants you, your infection won’t necessarily deter desire.

Coping Day to Day

You may have to make some changes in your daily life, which will feel strange at first. But will life change dramatically? Probably not. You can keep moving ahead in your career, have children, and have fun.

You may need to take medication, but pills are a reality of modern life. Millions of people take pills every day to treat health problems, and many more take vitamins and supplements every day because they want to. As much as you value a carefree lifestyle, you have always done some necessary chores every day, like brushing your teeth. Taking your medicine will become as routine as that.

You may not even have to take daily medication. You may need it only when you have a flare-up, and that’s like taking antibiotics for a bout of bronchitis. Also, remember that symptoms tend to calm down in time. Your first outbreak may be the worst you’ll ever have.

Dealing With Anger About Having Herpes

Then, ask yourself: Did the person from whom I got genital herpes want to infect me? Again, probably not. Most people with genital herpes don’t know they’re infected. Unless that person knew, and neglected to tell you, there’s no reason for anger. In any case, having sex means you accept the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease. Don’t beat yourself up, or anyone else, because you didn’t fully understand the risk.

These are only a few of the personal issues you may face in dealing with your diagnosis. There’s also the hard task of telling your partner, the thorny issues involved in dating, and the things you should and shouldn’t do when you have sex.

You don’t have to deal with all this on your own. If you feel uncomfortable talking about your feelings with people you know, you can hash things over with others who have herpes, in either an online or in-person support group. Be assured that you’re not the only person with the kinds of problems you have. A counselor or therapist can also help you resolve your problems.

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Home Care Measures for Genital Herpes

Home Care Measures

First, simple self-care may be enough to relieve most discomfort caused by genital herpes. Taking an over-the-counter pain reliever, such as aspirin, acetaminophen, or ibuprofen, can help ease the pain of herpes symptoms. Doctors sometimes recommend soaking the affected area in warm water. But the area should be kept dry most of the time. If toweling off after bathing is uncomfortable, try using a hair dryer. Then put on cotton underwear. Cotton absorbs moisture better than synthetic fabric does.

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