My Story
June 29th, 2008 | by admin |As I walked up to the department of health, my heart was pounding. I was almost crying before I got inside. I’m 16 now and was only 15 at the time. Once inside, we waited for about 2 hours to be seen. And the whole time all I could do was try to ignore the gut feeling I had about having an STD. I had known something was wrong because it hurt to pee and I had some sores, but I didn’t want to face it. I was glad my best friend came along to get tested with me.
By the time my number was called I was extremely nervous. The nurse drew my blood and led me into a room, leaving so I could change into a gown. What was only five minutes seemed like an eternity waiting for her to come back. After she examined me, she left and came back again. She took me to a tiny white room which surrounded me with STD posters. I had been waiting for about a half hour when I heard my friend saying thanks and bye to the nurse who had examined her. I thought “what’s going on? Why do I have to stay and she doesnt?” The nurse finally came back in and my eyes shot to her hand where she was carrying a prescription bottle and a brochure about something. In that second, my worst nightmare came true. I saw that the brochure said herpes on it.
Before she said anything, I was crying hysterically. It felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. I was in a state of shock, barely hearing the words the nurse was saying. After the nurse thought I had calmed down enough, she gave me the medicine and let me leave. I walked back out to the waiting room, feeling the stares of strangers as I left. I knew my friend was fine as soon as I saw her. She saw my tears and asked what was wrong. I told her and she hugged me. But I didn’t even want a hug, I was too upset. In the elevator on the way down I just sunk to the ground. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I just wanted everything to go away. I dealt with this terrible news alone after my friend dropped me off. I refused to tell my parents. I thought they would hate me and think I was a disappointment.
At the time I felt incredibly stupid, and I still do today because I don’t even know who it was from. Was it from my ex-boyfriend who was now one of my best friends or was it the current guy I was dating? I felt even more stupid after I confronted both these guys and had them lie to me and refuse to admit that one of them had given me this disease. I hadn’t even had regular [vaginal] sex and look what happened. I was more scared that day than any other day of my life so far.
Now that I have the situation under control I am learning to deal with the emotional issues I have. But it’s so hard to go through this when I am so young. It’s difficult to handle at any age, I know, but I constantly ask why God let this happen to me. I just wish so hard that I could go back a few months and change everything. I feel like I can’t tell anyone…it’s hard for me to even write this even though it is anonymous because everyone thinks you have to sleep around to get an STD. They don’t realize it only takes one time. Some days are really hard and I look at the girls at my school thinking how different I am than them. But everything is getting better and I try my best to live a normal life. I told my parents and my mom supports me and tells me everything will be okay, but some days it is difficult for me to believe her.
